Where did time go?
I feel like life is moving a million miles an hour just like everyone warned me it would. I don't know how to slow it down. Whenever I think I have a second to myself, I am once again proved wrong by my damn college email that's like, "Hey, I know you want to relax and all, but you have shit to do." All of a sudden I get another year older and I feel completely unprepared for the responsibilities that begin to unfold themselves in front of me and build like like the friggen Great Wall of China and it seems like I have forgotten all the advice everyone had ever given me when they figured out how to get to the other side of the wall.
Can't one thing happen at a time?
Being a young woman, I am obviously always thinking about when the right person is going to come along. Right when I find one, three come along. Like why, why, why. This this the ultimate test trying to decide between them. The usual candidates are someone who has their shit together, parents would love them, but they are just so different from me and I feel like I just sit there and listen to them bitch and bitch about things I have no interest in. No thank you. Or.. there is the one I always seem to want to fall for. The slacker who you think you can change into the next Oprah to save the world but then I realize, this is why I don't want to be a mom, I don't want to babysit all of the time but they are always the sweetest ones. You never doubt that they like you. Then, there is the occasional person who is trying to figure life out like I am and seems to appreciate me for who I am and realizes how hard I work and how much I really care about things that could possible have a great impact on the world one day but then they work on the other side of the country and/or I realize I have no time to pay attention to them.
How the hell do relationships work?
I can never relax and I never have time to relax. I wouldn't want to be friends with me. Who the hell has the time to do everything they need to do, keep in touch with everyone who cares about them and THEN have time for themselves. That leads me to my next question...
How dangerous are Sugar Daddy websites?
Just kidding.. kind of.
My body seems to know what's up though.. It always wakes up when I have to do something. It's just me who chooses to go back to sleep. Sometimes I feel like there is something inside of me that already knows the path I'm supposed to be going on as well as what turns I am supposed to take or avoid, it's just me who is trying to keep up with it and not question it. There is a part of me who is fearless, confident, and responsible but that part of myself scares me. I wish sometimes I little more faith in it. I obviously think a little too much.
Biggest question of all..
When do I start to figure these things out?
I feel so fascinated with people who are older than me until I figure out most of them are just as confused as I am. The things we learn as kids seem to never be relevant when we are older. They are just ways to keep kids from annoying us. I can't even count how many times I've told my students to stay on task but I go home and find myself doing the exact same things I yell at them for.
This life just seems so complicated to me and I feel like I am falling behind. I often wonder why people plan to have children... because sometimes I wouldn't want to voluntarily put someone through the struggles of surviving this life. It really hurts sometimes. Other times it is beautiful but I feel like I am working so hard for I don't even know what that I don't get to enjoy anything that comes for free like a sunset or a sunrise. Which reverts me back to the biggest question of all.
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